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Posted by david/ross
- August 06, 2006, 05:40:18 AM :D :/\
Posted by hades
- August 05, 2006, 07:47:43 PMlmao.
Posted by david/ross
- August 05, 2006, 06:17:31 PMA man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he saw a lawyer making passionate love to a beautiful woman. "What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting Satan snarled, "Who are you to question that womans punishment?"
Posted by kgansor
- August 04, 2006, 02:22:21 PMQuote from: La Scimmia E Arde on August 04, 2006, 01:30:31 PM
Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind
the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to
chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short
lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I
miss most of all?" She asks, "What?"
"Sex!!" he replies.
Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I
held a gun to your head!"
"I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just
hold it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes
his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden
where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.
Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.
Alarmed,
Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked
around
the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with
Ethel,
another female , who was holding Harold's manhood! Furious, Mildred
yelled, "You
two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Harold smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's!
:))
btw i like your new av there.. its cute.. but the new names too long lol
Posted by damian666
- August 04, 2006, 01:30:31 PM Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind
the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to
chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short
lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I
miss most of all?" She asks, "What?"
"Sex!!" he replies.
Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I
held a gun to your head!"
"I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just
hold it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes
his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden
where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.
Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.
Alarmed,
Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked
around
the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with
Ethel,
another female , who was holding Harold's manhood! Furious, Mildred
yelled, "You
two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Harold smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's!
the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to
chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short
lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I
miss most of all?" She asks, "What?"
"Sex!!" he replies.
Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I
held a gun to your head!"
"I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just
hold it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes
his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden
where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.
Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.
Alarmed,
Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked
around
the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with
Ethel,
another female , who was holding Harold's manhood! Furious, Mildred
yelled, "You
two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Harold smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's!
Posted by damian666
- July 27, 2006, 09:13:51 PM1 more
Posted by kgansor
- July 27, 2006, 09:12:46 PMQuote from: Evil Munkee on July 27, 2006, 08:40:29 PM
Those 2 were lame jokes. Just trying to get to 250 :)))
sooo close
Posted by damian666
- July 27, 2006, 08:40:29 PMThose 2 were lame jokes. Just trying to get to 250 :)))
Posted by hades
- July 27, 2006, 08:12:45 PMlol. ;D
Posted by damian666
- July 27, 2006, 05:47:09 PM Three Strings Walk Into a Bar
There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn''t get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, ''I'm sorry buddy we don''t serve strings in here.'' The string walks back to the table and and tells his friends what the bartender said.
''I''ve been here before and gotten a drink, I''ll go get us something to drink,'''' said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers.
The bartender says, ''I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here.''' So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened.
The thrid string says '''Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink'' The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers.
The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, ''You a string?''
"Frayed knot,''he replies.
There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn''t get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, ''I'm sorry buddy we don''t serve strings in here.'' The string walks back to the table and and tells his friends what the bartender said.
''I''ve been here before and gotten a drink, I''ll go get us something to drink,'''' said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers.
The bartender says, ''I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here.''' So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened.
The thrid string says '''Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink'' The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers.
The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, ''You a string?''
"Frayed knot,''he replies.
Posted by damian666
- July 26, 2006, 11:13:00 PM Two elderly women were out driving in a large car both could barely
see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it.
I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red
again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was
almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that
she was losing it. She was getting nervous . At the next
intersection,
sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she
turned
to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Crap, am I driving?"
see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it.
I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red
again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was
almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that
she was losing it. She was getting nervous . At the next
intersection,
sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she
turned
to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Crap, am I driving?"
Posted by damian666
- July 25, 2006, 11:19:01 PM :-\ :)))
Posted by Julez
- July 25, 2006, 10:25:14 PMWhy do Episcopalians have trouble playing chess?
They can't tell the difference between their bishops and their queens. Badum bum!
They can't tell the difference between their bishops and their queens. Badum bum!
Posted by kgansor
- July 25, 2006, 08:51:14 PM :)) lol
Posted by hades
- July 25, 2006, 08:16:44 PMlmao. :))