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Posted by harley89
 - January 05, 2007, 03:20:49 PM
You know I didnt think of it at the time. But  a friend of ours is being treated for sex addiction.  He loves his wife and children but has this sexual thing to deal with.  He is under treatment and is doing much better.  I really feel your friend should talk to her husband and ask him to go to counseling.  Never give up until you know it is done. Except when physical or mental abuse is happening.  Then if she leaves there will be no doubt about her choice. 
Posted by bams68
 - January 05, 2007, 02:48:59 PM
Well I hope for her sakes she does and it's a hard move to make if you have feelings for sumone but I actaully did it and it took me 12 years to make that move. I have tried many times but I always ended up not going through with it....and now I just gave up and he's sooo jealous now when my sweetie calls and he's like " He's calling again??" I'm like yeah, that's what you do when you love sumone. He's like can't you just chat online...I'm like well when you love sumone you love hearing there voice and it feels great to be able to talk and not type, however I can type a whole heck of a lot (as you can see) but yeah he just doesn't get it....he had sumthing great and refused to help make it work. So I gave up and yep pushed me away. Which I'm sure your friend in question has already been I think, and it's just for her to make that move and put her foot down. Enough is enough!! She needs to find sumone who will love her and more RESPECT her, as a person and as a woman. He'll see what he lost when she does and I hope it makes him cry LOL cuz he deserves to feel the pain she has and I just pray she opens her eyes cuz it's plain to see that what's happening here is wrong and things need to change for both of them.

Ur Deer Friend
bams
Posted by Luna
 - January 05, 2007, 10:55:34 AM
I feel that if he really does love her then why wont he stop doing these things that he knows causes her a huge deal of pain. He has many times told her that he wouldnt do these things anymore. But he still does. Its like he has a form of sex addiction or something. I mean geeeezzz lets get real here..if you are IN love with someone then you wouldnt do things to cause them pain. Hell you wouldnt even try to hide it either.Is this person just that heartless??!! He makes her feel like she doesnt have a right to be upset with his ways. I feel she does have that right. Hell he gets so angry when he gets caught. He doesnt hit her or anything. But in his eyes he does no wrong. She did punch him in the stomach yesterday. :D Sorry I just had to clap for her.Doesnt he understand or even really care that he's pushing her away from him...or does he not think she has the gust to do it.
Posted by zeboo
 - January 05, 2007, 09:50:51 AM
Have you ever heard the saying he's just not that into her? I feel that any man or woman if they are in love would never browse a dating site unless it was together for some odd reason. thats a big red flag. thats  ::> on thin ice
Posted by bams68
 - January 05, 2007, 09:12:13 AM
Well seems to me hun that he has sum issues in the past that she knows of and seems like they havn't gone away. I say she's best just walking away from this, yes that is a huge step and a huge comment for me to say. I just feel very awful for her and I think as a woman myself who's been in those situations before that she needs to kick this one to the pen and get herself a new puppy to play with LOL. I'm so sorry she has been dealing with this, but from your comments about him, seems there's nothing there to work with an NOT all men do this.....looking at women/men is in our nature. It's perfectly normal to want to look at sumone else who you find attractive. But when you commit to another person, you are stating that you want them and that those other women or men that you look at everyday,,,,are just to look at and nothing more. Oh and you know what....there is a differance too when you look at sumone...there is looking at them and then there is raping them with ur eyes LOL. Sounds crazy maybe but believe me I had this feeling before. I dated a man from another part of Canada and when we went to have a cup of coffee, this 40 yr old man...sat there and had the nerve to basically stare at the young girls (15-18yr olds) stopping in with friends to pick up a snack on there lunch hour. He would stare them down and actaully turn the other side to see them leave...omg I felt so embarresse and nearly just walked out...(after I pour my hot cup of coffee over his private areas) LOL feel the burn hun....just so rude sumtimes. Anywho I wish her luck.

ur deer friend
bams
Posted by Ilovemyweims
 - January 05, 2007, 09:03:44 AM
I guess if you really trust your spouse then it shouldn matter.  **** site hey everyone looks at them and it not like you could date or actually meet or mess around with them.  I might be a little concered about a dating site if i didnt completely trust my husband but i do in fact we have looked at them together to laught at some of our friend that are on them.  lol its funny to actually know the person and see the lies they put.  Like a fat person saying they are athletic!!  lol 
Posted by Stinkerbell
 - January 05, 2007, 07:36:24 AM
Here in CA I heard about a man who is suing E-Harmony (dating service) because they wouldn't allow him to sign up for the service.  The guy was going through a divorce but was still married and their policy is that you can't be married.  So, if he was realllllly going through the divorce why did he care so much?  Why not just wait a few months til the divorce was final?  I'm glad they didn't let him sign up.
Posted by bluebell1us
 - January 05, 2007, 07:18:08 AM
Trust is the most important element to any type of relationship and if a person is hiding something then their must be a hidden agenda for them.  visiting a site for just looking is an individual decision but to got to a dating site seems to me  is just looking for trouble.  just my 2 cents today.
Posted by harley89
 - January 05, 2007, 05:47:36 AM
I have been married for 35 years. And I know there is nothing my husband enjoys more than a pretty woman. He surfs the ****** sites but he doesn't hide it. Sometimes calls me over to look at some things. His eye sight isn't what it used to be so sometimes I point out the things he is missing.  The problem I have with your friends husband is he is hiding it for some reason.  Most men like """"" and he should be able to do it without hiding it. Dating sites are a whole different issue. No married man should be checking out dating sites for any reason. I would suggest that your friend have a open non judgemental talk with her husband   there may be some issues that she is not aware and if you cant talk about calmly then there is going be trouble. Her feelings of hurt and mistrust will grow and fester till it could explode.  And do irreparable damage to her marriage.  I wish her the best
Posted by Luna
 - January 04, 2007, 09:55:13 PM
Quote from: bams68 on January 04, 2007, 06:49:15 PM
Oh and I forgot....ur most important statement...he was doing it behind her back. Ok now there.....I would be very concern my dear. If he is doing nothing wrong, then why should he hide it from her?? That's what I find important there......I would be very concern'd over that and I think she has the rite to be as well and to be upset if she is....I hope everything works out. So sorry...sumtimes what can you do eh?? GL

Ur Deer Friend
bams

I agree with you bams. This isnt the first time he's hidden things from her. He once was hiding a friend (female). When his wife found out they had a huge blow out over it. He also has gone online chatting with women.But no matter how much this hurts her he continues to to this. In her eyes he is a cheater...his reply is that ALL men do it. Then tells her how much he loves her. Im not sure thats love.He's also gone into nudie bars. The list goes on.
Posted by bams68
 - January 04, 2007, 06:49:15 PM
Oh and I forgot....ur most important statement...he was doing it behind her back. Ok now there.....I would be very concern my dear. If he is doing nothing wrong, then why should he hide it from her?? That's what I find important there......I would be very concern'd over that and I think she has the rite to be as well and to be upset if she is....I hope everything works out. So sorry...sumtimes what can you do eh?? GL

Ur Deer Friend
bams
Posted by bams68
 - January 04, 2007, 06:44:35 PM
My sisters boyfriend does this and it brought her to tears. I think for myself - I could not allow it. That's for me....but I guess when you think about it - you have to look at the person in question. I think trust is sumthing very important in ones relationship and if you have that then you should not need to worry. However = if you don't have it, then maybe it's sumthing they need to talk about and communication is another big thing I value in a relationship. You need to be open about these things and let each other know how you feel cuz if not, then how is the other supose to know that they are doing sumthing that makes you feel uncomfortable. Sum ladies can enjoy a man who enjoys adult films while others tend to be annoy'd and find it to be rude. We all have different feelings towards things and I think it all depends on who these people are as people and what they think about things. For myself I trust my partner and have no reason to think otherwise and if one day (god I hope not) I feel otherwise I will take the time to sit down and talk about how I feel and see where to go from there.
Men enjoy looking at ladies and I think there's no problem in that, as us women enjoy checkin out males *giggles* I think there is a line and if sumone feels that the other crossed it for them, then a talk is in need. We just all have different lines and sum just don't want it at all while others don't mind the other looking at sexes. I think bottom line it just depends on the person in question and the trust they have. Like that saying goes, once a cheater always a cheater.....the percentage is high on that, not saying all but I'm sure it's pretty clear. If this is all making sense LOL. Thinking of my ex now LOL ...now if he was the man in question....I'd kick his tail out of my forest LOL and ca-chow!!

Hope that made sense. sorry for the novel

Ur Deer Friend
bams O0
Posted by Jewel
 - January 04, 2007, 04:37:02 PM
I think looking at pics on a general site is ok...meaning not area people or people you know but I think a pick up site is just looking for trouble.
Posted by pammer
 - January 04, 2007, 04:15:02 PM
true but if you are just looking at pics and not profiles should be no prob but if you hide things there might be bigger probs
Posted by Luna
 - January 04, 2007, 04:05:02 PM
I have a friend whose husband does these things and we are wanting to know how others feel about it. Myself personally when a husband or even a wife goes online rather its a **** site or dating site its wrong. Specially when the other person is trying to hide it.