Homer's Laugh House

[wattsmyname]

You bad boy :)) :)) :))

[holly222]

nice one bree

[Bree]

Thanks Holly... :)

[butch1286]

 >:( >:( >:( >:( :'( :x >:( >:( >:( >:(

A PARROT NAMED CHET

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols.

This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly.

"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet like this," was the shop owner's reply. Chet began to sing "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..

The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with "Silent Night, Holy Night..."

The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed. "How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?"

"No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you."

So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned, "Jingle Bells! The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came, "Silent Night. Holy Night..."

The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it." He answered, eager to please his wife.

So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and sang out loudly (like it was the performance of his life) "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."

>:( >:( >:( >:(

[SexySagittarian]

 :)) :)) :))

[Tara]

This is so funny......I hope you all enjoy it. 8)

http://www.softlab.ece.ntua.gr/~sivann/pub/swf/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf

Omg  you should of put this one in a new topic so it doesn't get lost in here...This was great !!! When I first saw the soap box I thought of Cling...I have to steal this to email my friends...I love it  :)) :)) :))

[holly222]

Very funny one!

[Helen]

Little Johnny Jokes

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "it was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag. The schoolteacher said, O.K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me, I pledge allegiance to the.... HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is your hand over your butt cheek instead of your heart? Johnny replied! I can't. Teacher asks, why not? Well you see, when my aunt comes over to pick me up, pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny was at football practice one day and the coach said
"Who here thinks they can jump higher than the goal posts"
Immediately little Johnny said, "Ooh me sir me"
The coach then said, "But Johnny you are the worst on the team!"
Then Johnny said, "I know, but goalposts can't jump!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well.
"Yes! Of course! My pop taught me...even more than 10"
"Good. What comes after three?"
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your erm...dad did a good job. Now...so what comes after...lets say ten?"
"A jack"

[ClingFree]

Little Johnny Jokes

I love Little Johnny ... He gets sucha bad wrap all the time!

[Helen]

Little Johnny Jokes

I love Little Johnny ... He gets sucha bad wrap all the time!

I  <3 him too!!!

[Gecko]

couple of jokes i'm going to post best i post em seperate   read em through there aussie jokes
                                           A   DOG WHO  WAS  NAMED SEX   

Everyone who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy.
I call mine Sex. Now Sex has been embarrassing to
me. When I went to the City Hall to renew his dog
license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license
for Sex. He said "I would like to have one too". Then
I said "But this is a dog". He said he didn't care what
she looked like. Then I said "You don't understand,
I've had Sex since I was 9 years old!" He said
"You must have been quite a kid!"


When I was married and went on my honeymoon, I
took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I
wanted a room for Sex. He said that every room in 
the place was for sex. I said "You don't understand,
Sex keeps me awake at night!" Then the clerk said
"Me too!."

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began,
the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was standing
there,looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest.
He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand"
I said, "I have planned to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.


When My wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody
of the dog. I said "Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married." The
Judge said "Me too!" Then I told him that after I had married Sex had
left me. He said "Me too".
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours
looking around town for him . A cop came over and asked me what I
was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock iin the morning. I said I was looking
for Sex... My case comes up on Monday........

:)) :)) :)) :)) :))
                                               
                                       

[wattsmyname]

 :)) :)) :))

[Gecko]

                                           THE ROOSTER  

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens.
The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on
in years. And the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt
anything. So he buys a young rooster from the local rooster emporium, and
turns him loose in the barn yard.

Well, the old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets
a little worried. So, they're trying to replace me, thinks the old
rooster. I've got to do something about this. He walks up to the new
bird and says,

"So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot
stuff, don't you? Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll
bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a
race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times
and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he
was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," said the young rooster.
"And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap.
I'll still win easy," said the young rooster. So the two roosters go over to
the hen house to start the race with all the hens gathering around to watch.
The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on.
After the first

lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old
guy's lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately
the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and by the fifth
lap he's just barely in front of the young rooster.

By now the farmer has heard all the commotion. He runs into the house,
gets his shotgun, and runs out to the barn yard figuring a fox or something
is after his chickens. When he gets there, he sees the two roosters running
around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He
immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young rooster away.
As he walks away slowly, he says to himself ........ "Damn, that's the third gay
rooster I've bought this month."

:)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) :)) e4.gif> :)) :))

[wattsmyname]

 :)) :)) :)) LMAO :)) :))

[nightperson]

 :)) :)) little johnny knew :))

[Helen]

Good jokes Gecko.  :))

[triniqueen27]

 :)) :)) lmao  :)) :))

[hades]

bree always has some funny ones  :P

[Bree]

thank you hades  :P

[hades]

welcome  :D